Stunned........

I'm sitting here at the computer, ready to update my blog, and words have failed me. I don't know what to say. I can't think of the right words to say to make anything better. I don't know if any such words exist. The only way I know that things will be right, would be to go back to Honolulu and pick up Crimsyn and bring him home. I feel like in time, he will come back to us. But at the same time I wonder, was it not His will? How could we have not known His will? I prayed for it. I am quite sure the kids did as well....what did we miss? Did we want this so bad that we overlooked any signs...went past a feeling?? I don't guess it's wise to question things, but since i'm struggling for the words that make it understandable, i'm left to write my thoughts....There is one thing I do know for sure...He will do us right. He knows we are human, and we make mistakes, handle things wrong, overlook signs and feelings...and that we love Him. And we want what's right...it's just very hard to accept that Crimsyn isn't part of His will for our family. Down deep, I am expecting the kids to call at anytime and tell us that it has worked out, and that everything is in order and there can be no changing of minds. I am not a very overly affectionate person on the outside, I am quite reserved ( I think) in that dept..and sometimes I wish I could be different....but make no mistake...I love that baby. I still do. I've never touched him, I didn't get to hold him, or kiss him...I could only look at him thru the glass window...I didn't get to tell him I was his Granny, but he is my grandson, and unless the Lord tells me it's not His will, I will try to do all I can, albeit thru prayer, money, love, sacrifices....whatever it takes to bring him home to his family....Granny loves you Crimsyn..XO