My " I'm Thankful" List...

I've seen several blogs lately, listing the things they are thankful for. Being the age I am, and having the Holyghost for over 42 yrs now, there are several things that I could post. As I state in my blog's title, I wonder how much memory I have here on this computer..i'm sure if I could relive every day of my life in my mind, I would use up all of it here on this one blog alone. I know it is easy to say that you have so much to be thankful for, but until you sit down and start to name them one by one, do you really start to thinking.."wow...He really did that for me"...etc. So in keeping with the other blogs, i'll try to post some of the ones that come to mind...

I am thankful for my mother and dad. Altho times were hard at home, and some of my worst memories of life come from that point in my life, i'm still thankful I had a home. Thankful that my dad steadily worked a job and provided for our needs..thankful that mom withstood a lot of hard times and heartache to keep us all together. I love you mom and dad.

I am thankful for my religion. I thank the Lord for giving me the Holyghost. I love my religion. I can trust the people I go to church with. I can call on them in time of need and know that they will be there. I am thankful for my church family especially, I love them, and I know they love me.

I am thankful for Tony. The Lord sent him to me when I was at a crossroad in my life. I needed someone to love me, and protect me and He sent me this skinny, black haired boy from Alabama to fill that need. Together, we've weathered storms and sunshine, good times and bad, happy and sad...key word here is "together".

I am thankful for my children. No mother could be any prouder of her offspring than I am mine. I have a son, who has always been a joy..ok..well...he did go thru a spell where I wanted to wring his neck, but he wound up being one of my best friends. He pastors a church now, and his life direction has taken a serious turn, but every now and then, he's becomes my fun-loving boy from days gone by. My daughter, Erica, has done me so proud. Have you ever been to her home? Immaculate..ever hear her sing?...sounds like angels....know her as a friend?....she's faithful...I seriously don't know what I would do without her. She is such a help to me now that i'm not able to do like I once was...and like her brother, I feel she is one of my best friends...I can tell her anything...

I am thankful for our in-laws, Crystal and Todd...everyone should have a daughter in law like Crystal..she takes such good care of our son and grandchildren. She has never given us a reason to worry that our son wasn't being treated right..and she has shown us nothing but love and respect...she has such a caring nature about her and i'm proud to call her my daughter in law. We also love Todd very much. He is extremely loyal to his household..he adores our daughter and grandchild...he has worked and provided for our daughter, and we've been so thankful we haven't had to worry about that..everyone that knows Todd, loves him, and we're no exception.

I am SO thankful for our grandkids!! Woo Hoo!! Grandkids!! We wanted a bunch....and what a bunch we have...lol...Kristen, Carter, Caden, Resiana and Crimsyn are our pride and joy...all of the older ones have already developed their personalities...and they are all different...and what fun they are! Baby Crimsyn is still too tiny to tell about yet, but we're sure he'll fit in somewhere between spoiled rotten and a cutie patootie...him being our last (probably) he doesn't stand a chance..he'll probably be both.

I am thankful for the way the Lord has blessed our business. He has provided for us all through our married life. I remember when Tony made $1.85 an hour...

I am thankful for the times the Lord has healed Tony and me. He healed Tony of ulcers, and me of RA..not to mention all of the other illnesses we encountered along the way..

I am thankful for the Lord's comforting hand. It's been there during some of the most heartbreaking times of my life...I felt it as I said my last goodbye's to Daddy...then again with Mom.......when we said goodbye to Tony's dad...the peace from that comfort saw us thru those dark days of sadness.

Well, as you can see, the list could go on and on...i'll stop before I bore you to death and you unfollow me...lol......see ya!

A New Beginning...

Well, it looks like our storm is over..the wind blew, our faith tested, but the Grace of God found favor with us, and allowed our family to be complete. I've held him, kissed him, cuddled and adored our little Crimsyn, and yet it still seems so unreal that he's with us now, forever. He will probably be the last little one in our small family, so I am really trying to take in every minute. They are little like this for such a short time. It's hard to believe he's already 4 weeks old today..he still looks like a newborn..maybe 2 weeks old. And i'm kinda glad...altho we would have been glad to see him come home a year from now, i'm thankful that the Lord allowed us to get him back now, so we could enjoy him as a newborn, get to see him sit up, his first attempts at crawling and walking..his first laugh, tooth,..too many "firsts" to mention...it could have so easily been denied us...and I have my kids back...last night I was at their house and Crystal was almost back to her usual self, a little tired looking, but cleaning every little nook and cranny as I sat there and held the baby...I finally had to tell her to stop cleaning and sit with me..so she sat at the table with me and wiped the centerpeice down as we talked....lol..I don't think she can help it....and Slick was playing hide and go seek with Caden and Resiana...it was so good to hear their laughter and squeals of excitement as they found each other...(smiling here)...the past few weeks they have just been a shell of who they are..walking around in a daze, amid a whirlwind of emotions, questions and wondering what the future held for the baby they had to leave behind. But all of that is over now. We are at peace. And I know I am saying "we"..and I know it is the kids that are actually going thru all this and some might not understand my use of the word "we"...but Tony and I grieved over this situation too...we had waited for him right along with the kids, and anticipated having another grandchild added to our fold...we went for him as a family, left without him as a family...I have said since i've been home. that one of the hardest things I ever went thru, was when that plane left the ground and we were on it without Crimsyn. I knew no one on the plane, other than the family, knew what we were going thru, and altho I cried, I didn't feel like I could let go like I wanted to...it was like in the movies..I kept thinking that if I looked out the window I would see someone running down the runway after the plane waving their arms trying to stop it, to tell us she was there with the baby..and we could take him with us after all...but when the wheels of the plane left the ground...i'm telling you, it was such a feeling of despair and disbelief that we were really leaving without him....and then when we landed and they turned the radio on, the song that was playing was "Just call out my name, and you know wherever I am..i'll come running..."..which started the crying all over again...later on I said that the people that could see us probably thought...wow..those ladies sure are scared to death of take off and landing..lol...
We're looking forward to the holidays now..can't wait for all the family gatherings that are in the days ahead..I sure am glad I have a big table...and we're thrilled the Lord has added Resiana and Crimsyn to it...and i'm so happy I didn't give my high chair away!

Surprise!!!!!

If you've come here looking for news, well you've come to the right place. I have lived one of the hardest days of my life trying to keep a secret and if you haven't heard by now, you've guessed it...CRIMSYN HAS COME HOME!!!...

The kids got the call from the adoption co-ordinator at our singing Fri night..she said the birthmother wanted Slick and Crystal to come and get the baby..she has been sick, and never really wanted them to go home without him to start with..so...back to Hawaii they go! They were gonna wait and try to go Monday,..but they (adoption lawyer) told them they needed to get over there quickly, so they hurried up and made their reservations, boarded the plane and took off around 3am Sunday morn...Now we had no idea this was taking place, we were in Florida, so when we got home Sunday afternoon, I just assumed we would see them at church that night...of course they were no-shows, and everyone was looking to me and Tony for answers as to where they were and we had none! I didn't know where he was myself, and why they had left in that manner...now understand...Crystal had sent me a text message the day before saying she was gonna throw Slick a surprise birthday party on Wed nite because we had missed celebrating his b-day since we were in Hawaii at the time, and he was so depressed..yada yada...so i'm already concerned that my kid is depressed, now he and his wife are no where to be found!...I text and text, then finally, Slick texts me back that they are ok..just had to get away for a few days...they would be home Wed morn...so I back off, I was ok just knowing they were ok..I should have put 2 and 2 together tho...Slick had told me that if they ever got the call to come get him, that him and Crystal were gonna slip off over there, and not tell anyone..that way if they came home empty handed again, no one would know it...but I honestly didn't think they would do that...Fast forward to last night.........

We were all sitting at Triple R behind the door...someone says "They're here!"...so we are real quiet...sitting there bursting with anticipation the door opens and in steps Crystal...one of the little kids couldn't hold her "surprise"...and we all laughed...but quickly quieted down again waiting on our "victim"....Crystal finally opens the door all the way and when he comes into view all the held in/up anticipated "Surprises" all come out...then dead silence for about 2 seconds! When our "surprise" fades away mid-word....he looks at us and said.."No...Surprise" to us!...then the real yelling started....We were dumbfounded...there he is, holding our precious Crimsyn!...it took a second for it to really sink in to some..Todd said he was thinking...why is he holding a baby?...then he realized WHO that baby was...BJ said he thought the same thing...there were tears of joy, lots of laughter, hugs, hugs, and more hugs...as he quickly made his way from one family member to another..it was mostly immediate family,...but there was no Clark family and Wooten family..we were as one, all there together, celebrating the return of our beloved baby...

The kids had wanted to surprise us, and that they did. We have kept it quiet all day, because they want to surprise the church tonight...not sure just how Slick is gonna do it..but right after they came home, he was telling the church that they still had hope it would work out someday, and not to be surprised if one night Crystal didn't walk down the aisle holding baby Crimsyn...it will be interesting to see what he does...but she is gonna wait in the kitchen and when given the signal..she's gonna walk down the aisle with him....I can't wait!

I'm Remodeling and Tony's in a Trial..lol

I do not like remodeling...and neither does Tony. He can't stand it. When we got home from Florida last weekend, we opened the door to a mess. Br Duane had been working while we were gone, but didn't get finished..I wasn't expecting him to be done..but wasn't expecting the mess I had either...but it had to be...i'm putting in new flooring and all of my kitchen and dining room stuff had been moved into our den, which we have to walk thru to get to the rest of the house...and sheetrock dust was everywhere! I expanded my kitchen and a few walls had to be rebuilt..etc...anyways...immediately Tony went into a deep place..lol. Did I mention he can't stand remodeling? He'll build a house in a sec...but remodel??? No, no, no....not that. So he has been very dumpy since we've been home..doesn't want to stay here..lol...he got up Monday morning and said he was gonna go service his truck...when he got back, of course they were not done, and Br Duane tried to get him to go service his truck...lol...we laughed at him cause we only have so many vehicles to fix...then he went into the gameroom, shut the door, turned on his TV and decided it would be a good time to watch some of his series that he has, and his TV didn't work..don't know what happened to that while we were gone, it worked before we left....so this morning he went fishing...and his trolling motor has tore up..hee hee...oh, i'm not laughing cause it tore up, but wonder what he's gonna do now...

Just Getting Home...

Hello to all 20 of my followers!...lol..I hear that more than that read my blog, but for some reason they don't follow me, which is ok if they don't want to...I say a friendly Hello to all my visitors as well!!!...
It's been several days since i've last posted...I just got back from Disney yesterday. We went down there with Cindy, Anthony and Landon..and Janet and Kevin Sanders and their family. We had a lot of fun as always...but i'm glad to be home. It was hot down there...a lot hotter than I remember it being for this time of year...and I could definitely tell a difference in how I held up this time...I have to use a scooter because I have severe Arthritis in my knees and ankles, and i've been using a scooter for the past 3 yrs now when I go down there...but this time, my knees hurt from just sitting and them being bent all day...I had a very hard time walking even the shortest distances....I wish I could feel free to ask the Lord to heal me, but He's already done that once before when I was younger.....
I had gotten up one Easter morning and my ankles felt sore. It felt like I had sprained them both. By the end of the day, I couldn't stand to put any pressure on them...Tony had to carry me to the car to go home. Needless to say we were concerned...I had no idea why I couldn't walk or what had happened...As the week wore on, my ankles got worse, and it started affecting my knees. Knots had come up in my legs. After about a week of just getting worse, I went to the Dr. He ran some tests and the results were I had RA...Rheumatoid Arthritis...he said that as fast as I was going down, I would be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life within weeks. There was nothing they could do other than pain management...devastated and confused as to why this happened, I went home with no hope of getting better, just something to help with the pain. I was a young mother, with 2 school age kids...they were only in like 1-2 grade...Slowly I got worse, the med's weren't helping much at all with the pain..I talked to Tony and told him that I didn't want to take the medicine anymore. I wanted to trust the Lord. If He didn't heal me, I would be in a wheelchair soon. I have always been an active person. We sang in a group. I thought of all the changes in our life that would have to be made...and I cried. I cried at night that I wouldn't be able to raise my children. Within a couple of weeks, I could no longer walk, even with assistance. My legs would not support me. They were swelled, full of knots and looked awful. But I was determined to push forward. When it was time to get the kids up for school, I would crawl down the hall using my arms. I couldn't use my legs at all. They were like dead weight...but I could not let myself give up. They didn't have cordless phones at that time, ours hung on the kitchen wall...and when it would ring, by the time I could work myself to it, they had already hung up...I don't know what I was thinking anyway...I couldn't have stood to take it off the hook..so after a few times, Tony got me a phone that sat on our coffee table...after a few weeks of struggling like this, I took another downward turn. I was in constant pain, and it was getting worse. I was having trouble eating, I guess being in bad pain, my body wasn't focusing on food...therefore I grew weaker..Now, I was going to church and having them pray for me..and once they met at the church to pray for me, and I would get some ease..once I even fell asleep on the bench as they prayed and they just left me there asleep and proceeded to have service..lol. But, despite all the prayers, I grew worse daily. In just a few short days, I was bedbound. I remember totally breaking down when I could no longer care for myself. I could do nothing, not even feed myself, my hands had drawn...all my personal care had to be handled by the sisters...that is a humbling experience. As they took care of me, I could feel the love and compassion they had for me..they knew that it could have just as well been one of them. In just a short time, I went from a normal 20 something year old mother, to a bedbound invalid...we were trying to have faith that the Lord was going to heal me, but I still grew worse..even my toes started to draw back towards the bottom of my feet...my head hurt constantly, my knees and ankles were swollen and feverish, throbbing with each heartbeat...I had lost 36 lbs in 3 weeks..and was hardly eating or drinking anything. My kidneys were producing something that looked like coffee, nothing like normal. I was beginning to find it hard to stay awake...hard to focus...the only time I was really at myself was when the pain was bad...and when it seemed I would only last a few more days.......
It was Sunday night, around 10pm. I was in so much pain, I couldn't hardly bear it. Tony told me that we needed to call them in to pray, but I refused. I told him that it was no use. He then asked me to at least call Sis Charlotte Stephens..we were and still are good friends, and he at least wanted me to tell her..so I did. She, like Tony, told me I needed to call the Children of God in to pray...again, I said, "I already have, 3 times"...it was late, and I figured they were ready to go to bed..but she insisted, saying..."that is what they are here for"..."this is part of our duty, to pray for you"....finally, I said ok...she arrived within minutes, and began calling them in...Tony had gotten me settled in the bed, and I lay there, still as I could as to not cause any more pain...2 brothers walked in the room and stood at the foot of my bed. I lay there with my eyes closed, and I heard one of them say.."She'll be dead in 2 days"...Oh my Lord!!!....and then as the others came in I could hear them saying things like..."I am so down"..."meeting was dry as a bone, I didn't get anything out of it"..."my mind is so bothered"....and i'm laying there thinking..."Lord, you have sent me a bunch of dud's to pray for me"..."there ain't no way i'm gonna get healed tonight!"....lol...I can still remember the feeling of desperation I had as I listened to them talk...I just knew I should have not listened to them two...but as Br Jr called them to order, and began to say a few words about what they were there for, a calm came into the room...I was still just laying there, quiet and still...and they began to pray...in what seemed like a few minutes, the Lord came into the room...quietly at first, but the Saints began to feel Him there with us...they began to pray harder, and the next thing I knew, Br Jr laid hands on me...I opened my eyes, and saw the Saints rejoicing..Br Jiggs Brewer was jumping up and down, under His power..I had a ceiling fan going in the room, and his hands would go in between the blades...that was amazing!...some of the other Children of God were up shouting too...and they laid hands on me...my hands began to straighten out...and the pain left...Now I don't know what some of ya'll are gonna think about this part, but it happened...some saw a figure, dressed in white, standing outside that bedroom window. Couldn't make out a face..but I think it was Slick, who ran out the door and looked at the outside of that window, and saw no one. There was no way whoever was standing there could have known he was going to do that, cause he wasn't in the bedroom with me and they wouldn't have seen him leave it to check...I think Slick just heard them talking and went out to see...myself, along with several others, believe it was an Angel, sent with healing, to come to me. But regardless, it was an amazing night...everyone there got spiritual help, I was no longer in any pain, and I had a sense of peace...from that day forward I begin to improve. At this point I had been bed bound for 2 weeks..it was another week before I could actually get out of the bed..It had been 3 weeks since my feet had touched the floor....but I was eating and drinking again...I began to sit at the edge of the bed at first, then starting taking little steps...it took a few weeks before my strength and appetite were back to normal...but I finally got to where I could walk alone again... and i've been walking ever since!...there was a sister who worked for the Dr I saw about this and he asked her how I was doing..he was concerned because he knew that the RA had hit me hard and fast and was curious about my condition..when she told him what had happened, and that I was back to normal, he was stunned..
That's been many, many years ago. I have raised my children. I am literally a walking miracle. That shouldn't have been my fate..but the Lord was good to me..and every now and then, I think about the pain i'm in now, and I feel selfish asking Him to take it away...this is just plain old age Arthritis, a disease I developed from too many years of WALKING on cement floors...lol ..I feel sorry for all the people that don't have the Lord to help or heal them...I'm one of the lucky ones...and i'm thankful for all the good years He gave me...

My "Son" is Shining....

I have a wonderful son. He is a source of great pride to me and his dad. I couldn't be any prouder of him or i'd be bursting at the seams...He is proving that in great sorrow, there can be comfort. That when all else fails, you can trust God. His heart is broken, his thoughts are sad..yet he still goes on. He has tried to hold his head up, but the last few days, he has shown signs of being weary, I could see it in his face Sunday night at church...he was expected to stand up there and lead the congregation in a worship service without hanging his head. Both Saturday night and Sunday night, he and Crystal both, came out to church and held their heads up. He did what the Lord gave him to do and tried to push the service forward. I think that we as a congregation didn't know what to expect, but he set the pace for service to go forth as if there were no great sadness weighing his heart down. He did as any good shepherd would have done, he saw to his flock..he tried to let them know, hey...we're gonna pull thru this...but I know him, and I told Tony, that Slick was slipping thru the cracks...my mothering instincts kicked in and I begin to pray for the Lord to comfort him as well as Crystal...and let me stop and say something here...No one could ask for a better daughter in law than Crystal...we can tell and feel that she loves us..she has never made me feel like just "the mother in law"....she has been a good wife to my son. She has kept his home clean, his clothes washed and his meals cooked.. she has been a wonderful mother to our grandchildren...Tony and I both love her dearly. We think she is doing a wonderful job as the pastor's wife...they both have made us so proud so far...Now i'm sure Slick has been grouchy, ( I can hear Crystal amening me..lol)...and he's probably found himself short on patience a few times since they've come home...the jetlag, the questions in your mind..the sadness as you look at his empty cradle...trying to carry on in some form of normalcy for the other children.....all would be enough to make anybody crumble......so, as his mother, I want to take a few minutes and give him his kudos....Slick, you are a wonderful son. You are a loving but overly worrying father..lol, you are doing a great job pastoring the church, and I know you're carrying a heavy load with a sad heart... you need to hear and know that you are doing a good job...but you also need to hear that we recognize your loss, and don't expect you to be on top right now....We love you and are so proud of you Michael....and we're so sorry this happened.

The Storm............

I'm not even gonna half way pretend that things are ok. They aren't. Ok..well, i'll try to. I know I should. And honestly, I am doing better than I was at first.... We still don't have Crimsyn back, and it's hard to know what to do. It's not like we have any choice here, and just being the grandparents, we are hanging on to every word we hear from the kids to know if there has been any news. I hate to call all the time, i'm sure that every time Crystal or Slick have to say the words.. "No, no news yet"...or "We still don't know anything"..only serves to remind them that they don't have anything new to tell...that the situation is still just like it was the last time someone asked them....so I just hate to bring it up. But, I can't help myself...and everytime I hear from them, or see them, I have to ask....
They have "adopted" one of the songs Erica and her group has on their new CD...The Journey....there is a line in there that keeps my faith afloat...it says " the precious hand of God will lead you home.."...and I find comfort in those words...because it doesn't matter how far the journey will take him, and what circumstance he may encounter...the Lord knows just where he is...I mean, we are serving a God that is so big, He measured the waters in the hollow of His hand! Wow...just a few days ago I flew in a plane across the ocean...at around 545 mph..and it took 4 hrs! I can't wrap my mind around how much water that is...and then to think he measured it all from the hollow of His hand???? Oh my goodness... how could I doubt that He would know where one little tiny baby is...and how to bring him home...actually, I don't doubt it. I know He can...I just worry that He won't...that it's not in His will...but my mind keeps going to the dream I had while we were flying home...Crystal and I were trying to nap, we sat together on the plane coming from Honolulu to Texas...I nodded off and dreamt that all of us that had gone to Hawaii were all gathered in a circle. All of our houses were in a circle around the outside of us...there was our house, Slick and Crystal's, Erica and Todds, Brandy's, Lester and Lanita's and Dusty and Julie's...we were all standing around in this circle talking when we saw a storm coming...we all ran into our own home and took cover. I dreamed that the house shook from the strong winds, and the windows rattled, but we were inside praying for safety. After the wind had died down, we all began coming out of our homes and once again began to gather in the circle...we looked around at our houses...the roofs were destroyed, shingles were missing, the windows broke out and glass all around us, but our homes were still standing...while we were talking of how amazed we were that no one was hurt, a small Hawaiian woman approached us...holding her hand was this little black headed boy...he was walking, but he was still so little that his feet barely touched the dirt and he looked as if he were skipping as she walked hurriedly towards us...she asked us did we know who this little boy belonged to...that the storm must have separated him from his family and did we know him.....and we looked closer....it was Crimsyn!...don't ask me how we knew...he was a newborn the last time we had seen him, but we knew it was him...we were so happy! We cried, we praised the Lord, and laughed joyously that our Crimsyn was once again within the circle of his family...my thoughts are that maybe the "storm" was us having to leave him behind...and altho our houses were damaged, they still stood...their foundations strong. It would take time to repair them, but they had not been destroyed. And as I remember how our homes looked after the storm, it is hard to think of them ever being put back to the state they were once in...but then, when God has a plan, He makes no mistakes. I only hope and pray we can be strong and find moments of comfort from His Word and through the love of His children as we wait and watch as His plan unfolds.........

Our faith in, and love for our Lord has not withered or wavered. We believe that He can, and pray that He will...send Crimsyn home.

No words.....

I had to go to the doc today. Seems like the air in the airplane didn't do my lungs too much good and I was slowly headed for a case of Bronchitis...I wanted to head if off, I get it so easy now since I had a severe case of it two yrs ago and landed in a hospital for four days. The doc seemed to think that the air in the plane was the culprit..says it happens quite often in Bronchitis/Asthma sufferers that take extended flights...(glad Carter and Caden, both Asthma sufferers, have shown no problems...that I know of)....Anyways, the nurse came in and asked what was the problem, and after I told her, she asked me about the baby...how was our trip...etc. I let her finish asking her questions, she was rapidly asking them...and I told her what happened....I wasn't prepared for her response...."oh well, there'll be another one to come along someday"...like we had been waiting on a taxi....I just looked at her..I couldn't respond at first...what do you say to that? Rather than give her a lengthy speech on how there could be no one to replace this one, that we didn't want a replacement...yada yada, I just quietly told her I didn't want to talk about it. She quickly apologized and left the room. I know, I know.....I can't blame people for not knowing what to say.... but sometimes, if you just have to say something, it's best to just say "i'm sorry" and leave it at that..."we'll be praying for you"...are words of comfort, support and love...and are priceless during a situation such as this...well, during any sad/bad situation.... But like I said in my earlier post..we have no words to offer as an explanation....so most likely all you'll get in return is a heartfelt "Thank You".......
I thought of Crimsyn more today than yesterday...cause he is probably out of the hospital by now..but we don't know where he is..(unless they heard something last night)....I pray that he isn't at the park...that he and his birthmother are at a shelter...such as that will be...at least they would have a roof over their head and she could get some help to get over the C-section. I hope he has clean clothes, clean diapers and enough milk to fill his little tummy...it is torture not knowing....