Never Grow Old....

Getting old is hard. I mean, i'm glad that i'm still alive, and to be alive I must grow old...but it's hard. But when you get older, your mortality seems more real...like it's a black cloud looming over your head just waiting for the lightning to strike. It makes you think, like i'm doing now, sad thoughts.....(maybe not all go thru this, but right now I am and I can't help it ).... Life is just going by so fast. It's hard to believe that the next age milestone in my life is 60. I remember being a young girl, 12 to be exact...wondering who I would marry, my first (and last)..boyfriend was Tony, lol....wondering where I would live, how many children I would have...etc...and then I remember walking downstairs to the basement (at Black Oak) after saying our vows and telling Tony "wow...we're really married"...like that was something I didn't think would ever happen to me...and then a year later, the sound of our firstborn crying, and Tony sitting beside my bed crying because he wanted his son to be named after him and asking me would I mind..(I had another name picked out)..how could I have refused that???....then a little less than a year later, our daughter came along..Tony said he knew that we'd had a girl just by the look on my face when they brought me thru the delivery room doors. Back then, the father wasn't allowed in the delivery room...and we didn't learn what we were having then either unless we had to have an emergency procedure that somehow would tell....they (Slick and Erica) kid each other sometimes because for 2 weeks out of every year they are technically the same age..they liked 2 weeks in being exactly a year apart...then they both started school the same year, I cried like most all mothers do...and i'm serious, before I knew it there were dates, and boys coming to the house, and then when Erica left home, all my eggs were in one basket....Slick's...LOL...now let me tell you, he was a character back then...but he was a Mama's boy too...I had grown very close to him, and grieved my self nearly silly when he married, but I think i've already addressed that in another blog, so I won't go there again...Tony and I tried to settle into a life of just us two...and at first it was different, strange and quiet..oh it was so quiet..too quiet...kinda the way it is now...I tried to enjoy the freedom of not having to keep track of my kids, but it was hard too...i'd lay awake and wonder if they were safe and sound at home, or out on the road somewhere....and I had to stop that...had to talk straight up to myself...this is life, this is what happens when they grow up...they don't have to tell you where they're at, what they're doing and who they're with anymore...I think Slick and Crystal have been married about 16 or 17 years now...Erica has been married for 19 (I think)...i'm used to this way of life now...but it only means i'm that many years older, and i'm beginning to tell and feel my age..my hair is nearly completely gray, except for the ends which stubbornly refuse to give up their color...reminds me of when Slick said to me..."Mom, if you're gonna wear one of those hairpieces, why don't you at least match it to your hair color"...and i'm like.."uh...this isn't a hairpiece..it's my real hair"...lol....and Tony has had to deal with losing his hair for several years now. His latest ordeal is that it is turning gray as well...he is really starting to show his age too, bless his heart.. He is and always has been such a good man...he's worked 2 jobs most of our young married life, trying to make ends meet for his family. He did very little in the way of recreation during those years..he just thought it a waste of time when his family was in such need and he could work...He meant for his family to have what they needed..and the Lord always provided him with work to see that he could. He has always been a workaholic and has very little use for laziness...He's kinda semi-retired now...he goes into the shop every now and then to see what's going on, but for the most part, Todd runs the business...Slick owns his own shop up in Georgia...so we're thankful they both have good jobs to support their families...
Oh well...i've whined enough for today...I guess i'm kinda down...I just learned that Resiana is going to start school tomorrow as well as Caden, and it just makes me think of how time is just slipping away...just seems like yesterday when Caden was born...he is such a stinker!...Resiana will do well in school I think....I love the little family the Lord gave Tony and me...I just wish (I think) ...time would stand still and give us just a few more days with them...............