Stunned........

I'm sitting here at the computer, ready to update my blog, and words have failed me. I don't know what to say. I can't think of the right words to say to make anything better. I don't know if any such words exist. The only way I know that things will be right, would be to go back to Honolulu and pick up Crimsyn and bring him home. I feel like in time, he will come back to us. But at the same time I wonder, was it not His will? How could we have not known His will? I prayed for it. I am quite sure the kids did as well....what did we miss? Did we want this so bad that we overlooked any signs...went past a feeling?? I don't guess it's wise to question things, but since i'm struggling for the words that make it understandable, i'm left to write my thoughts....There is one thing I do know for sure...He will do us right. He knows we are human, and we make mistakes, handle things wrong, overlook signs and feelings...and that we love Him. And we want what's right...it's just very hard to accept that Crimsyn isn't part of His will for our family. Down deep, I am expecting the kids to call at anytime and tell us that it has worked out, and that everything is in order and there can be no changing of minds. I am not a very overly affectionate person on the outside, I am quite reserved ( I think) in that dept..and sometimes I wish I could be different....but make no mistake...I love that baby. I still do. I've never touched him, I didn't get to hold him, or kiss him...I could only look at him thru the glass window...I didn't get to tell him I was his Granny, but he is my grandson, and unless the Lord tells me it's not His will, I will try to do all I can, albeit thru prayer, money, love, sacrifices....whatever it takes to bring him home to his family....Granny loves you Crimsyn..XO

He's On His Way!

Slick and Crystal just got back from taking the birthmother for her Dr visit today. Her sugar is unstable, which isn't good for her or the baby, so they have made the decision to induce labor tonight at 7pm Hawaii time, which is midnight Ala time. Tomorrow (28th) is Slick's birthday, so if he takes long enough to get here, he will share his Daddy's b-day...which causes me to go back 36 yrs ago tonight...I was in the hospital in the most agonizing pain I had ever experienced.there were no epidurals back then...just to get this lil bald headed, squalling young'un we came to call Anthony Michael ...aka Slick...28 hrs it took to get him here..(did I mention no pain relief available back then..lol)...but he was worth every minute of it...we love you Slicky, and hope only the best for you and Crystal tonight as we wait on the newest member of our family to arrive!

Patiently waiting.....

Well it's the beginning of day three here, and i'm the only one up right now. Still kinda mixed up on my hours, but the others seem to have it down pat. I'm sunburned pretty bad on my face and neck and it kinda kept me awake last night, as did the million thoughts that were running thru my mind...so here I am, up, and wondering what today will hold. I hope we get news that our baby is on its way...there are several family members here, and I know they will be disappointed if they have to return home and miss his birth...but they are having a great time waiting! I am going to look into some Luau's..we all want to go to one. I would love to do some more sight seeing...island hop to the island that Carter is from...there is just so much to do. It's kinda hard to plan anything too far ahead tho because you never know when the baby will decide to come...I've done real good with my knees the past 2 days..i've done a lot of walking. Been in some unreal pain by the end of the day, but i'm trying to keep up. We went to Pearl Harbor yesterday so Kristen could get a school report in. She has to do 2 reports for missing school. It was a sombering experience..we went to the Arizona Memorial where there are still something like 1177 men still entombed in the ship..this memorial was actually built over the ship..you could see it..and could still see oil on the water where the ship is still leaking..and could still smell a burned smell from where the ship was in flames....just knowing those men were still below brought a sombering feeling to you....we then headed down to Honolulu and Waikiki...shopped at the International MarketPlace, drove on up to the ritzy side of the island where the big shots live...saw signs on the road that asked people not to disturb the owners...made you wonder if maybe that was where some Hollywood stars lived..they were gated and secluded...went to Diamond Head saw the crater there...we made a full day of it...I think i'm ready to spend the day at the ocean...with sunscreen this time....lol.

We're Here!

Well ,we've made it thru the first part of the journey. The flight from Dallas to Honolulu was delayed 3 hours, but everyone did fine on the flights and we arrived safely..That was what was most important...we enjoyed an all you can eat breakfast buffet at a place on the ocean. The view was spectacular and the food delicious. Fresh fruit and fruit juices...wow! We all eat til we were stuffed. We stopped and took some great pic's of all us on our walk back to our condo's. Slick and Crystal and going to check on the status of the baby today, and I think we're just gonna hang back on the beach with the kids and let them enjoy one of God's greatest creations, the ocean.....post again later on.....Jo

Ready to Go!

Sis Sherrill has made mention of this song on my blog, and I guess it's kinda fitting seeing that we're just hours away from boarding a plane to begin our journey to Hawaii to get our new grandson. Of course, i'm hoping and praying we have a safe flight there and back..and that everyone does good on the plane and the hours "fly" by...pardon the pun...and yes, it was intended..LOL....We're all packed, and it is 9:30pm Sunday night. We leave for the airport at around 3:45am...Tony is already dressed..ha ha..he says he is gonna stay up and watch TV so he'll be good and sleepy and hopefully can sleep onboard the plane...I'm afraid he is gonna regret that..they are 5 hours behind us..and even with a good nights rest, this trip will be very taxing. When I went with them to get Carter, I didn't think the day would ever end...it kept on staying daylight...but in crossing time zones that go back, you relive those hours over and over again...and then on the way home it's just the opposite...let me tell ya, jet lag is real...it takes a few days to get with Hawaii's schedule, then bout the time you get with it, it's time to come home and reverse what you just worked hard to achieve!...Our first few mornings over there, I was awake at like 2-3 am Hawaii time...but my body was still on Bama time which would have been 7-8am...but being up that early allowed me to witness some of the most amazing sunrises I have ever been priveleged to see. The Sun coming up across the ocean is unbelievably beautiful, and I can't wait to share them with Tony....He wasn't with me last time...and i've told him he has to see at least one with me..lol. And then at night, the sight of the moon shining out on the ocean is so stunning! Hawaii is a beautiful place and i'm so excited to be sharing it with my whole family!...i'm Ready To Go!!

Gonna Be Granny Again!

As most of you probably know by now, we're just days away from heading off to beautiful Hawaii to get the newest addition to the Clark family...I wish I could tell you what his name is gonna be, but as of today, i'm still not sure. Sad that I don't know huh....but I keep asking Slick and he keeps saying he doesn't know....I am thinking it will be Anderson, but we'll see. I am just excited to have another baby in the family..it's been 5 yrs since we've had a baby to enjoy...and this will probably be our last, unless someone else calls them up with a child needing a home...they probably wouldn't be able to tell them no...lol.
Our role as grandparents in the adoption process is just amazing. When we got our grandchildren, from Kristen to Resiana, I can distinctly remember having the thought "You are their Grandmother"....And at that instant, this great love for them found a permanent place in my heart...and when I say permanent, I really mean that...I still hang a stocking on my Christmas tree for Ryan..the little boy that Slick and Crystal got to keep for a couple of weeks before being taken back. And altho it's much easier to handle now, I could cry for him today if i'd let myself...you just don't forget loving someone that much just because you can't be with them...you just don't turn that off. I think of him often this time of year because it's close to when we got him, I still have a pic of him in his Halloween outfit sitting out on my mantle all the time...
We're now all caught up in the anticipation of this baby's birth, and let me stop and add here that with Slick and Crystal's kids we're only talking a few weeks...in Caden's case it was less than 2 weeks I think...not much more than that if any for Carter and Resiana either....lol...this will be our 3rd from Hawaii...my 2nd trip over there...wondering what he's gonna look like, praying he's gonna be healthy, and trying to imagine what kind personality he will be bringing to the family...so far we have a talker, a genius, a comedian, and a humble one...what will this one be like?? Will he be tall and skinny or short and fat??...it really doesn't matter...we'll take him any way he comes to us...just like we did the other grandkids...we're just happy to be getting another addition to our little gang...
We are one excited, thrilled, blessed, scared (of the long flight), sick (Kristen), nervous and soon to be bigger, Hawaii bound family!

10" Nails...

Well ya'll...ole Slicky is wanting me to give the scoop on Erica and her nails....10" nails according to him...and I guess I could see where they'd appear to be that long considering he was only about 6-7 yrs old or something like that...those were her weapons to fight him with...he would pester the fire outta her (course his story is gonna be different) and she'd respond by chasing him down the hall, her claws bared, and if she got to him before I got to her, she'd let him have it with em'...now mind you, her nails were her pride and joy...she loved her fingernails...probably cause she was the only one in our family that had any that were of any length..so she felt kinda superior...LOL...JK Erica, don't go ballistic on me...but once she learned that holding her hand up in a "tiger strike" like fashion caused Slick to go running off hollering for Mama.."Mama, Sissy is after me with her nails"....there was no stopping her...if she caught him, which was most of the time, she'd scratch a plug outta him...I would punish her by cutting her nails...now mind you, when I would do this it would cause her much grief and despair and she would just cry and cry...and scream bloody murder the whole time I was clipping them...you would think she'd learn not to do it again, but, somehow Slick would manage to push her beyond the realms of reason and here she'd go down the hall, claws outstretched, to go after him....it didn't matter if she was justified or not tho..I usually clipped them off....(the times I knew about it anyways)..and I wouldn't doubt it, if he'd admit it, that he carried on once or twice just to get her in trouble so I would clip them...didn't you Slick...yeah, thought so....
Hey Slick, wonder if they'd be interested in hearing about you and your little dance in the hallway???? HA HA HA HA....

Hello to my 14 Followers..lol

Hello all you followers of mine...how are ya'll doing today? I am sitting here trying to cool off ...time to wind down from a busy day. Tonight is church night, and sometimes I am in a run all the way up to church time and then get to church and crash...I'm gonna try to be rested before I get there tonight..lol. This heat will drain even the healthiest of souls, it's been near to unbearable to me. We have some at church with severe breathing issues and this weather is so hard on them...as I look out the window now, I see some clouds forming, hopefully they will bring some much needed rain to my poor flowers. I've tried to keep them watered, but by the time i'm done with all my flowers, I need a good soaking myself...(so I jump in the pool). I wanted to have a cookout tomorrow night, but it's still just too hot and humid even in the evenings to enjoy being outdoors...so i'll wait a few more days...by then, we may be in Hawaii...I say "may", cause we're not totally convinced we're going to go...we want to ...no doubt at all about that...but we both are so nervous about the flight we can't even think about it. I've been before, and (Thank you Lord) I did ok....(knock on wood)...but Tony has panic attacks. And when he does, he usually passes out and when he passes out, he usually goes into seizures...Yes...my strong, handsome, hardworking man is a wimp when it comes to certain things. Two things in particular....flying and needles..among other things, like gory stories...he has been known to have to walk outside at church during testimonies telling about accidents....actually, it is kinda a church joke...everyone looks at him when someone that doesn't know him comes to visit and testifies about something like this....Now he has passed out from getting a shot, IV....etc...and when he does, it usually causes him to have a form of a seizure...not like the epileptic type, but when he faints, his blood pressure drops so low it sends him into this seizure like activity and he has even flat lined before! Some scary stuff...let me tell you. I don't believe he would be any whiter/grayer than if he were really dead when this happens to him...it is very terrifying to me..I can only imagine what he feels like..lol..anyways, he doesn't do good flying either, and it's all he can do to make it thru a short flight to like, Orlando...but to Hawaii?????....he's just so nervous about it...but we don't want to not go either...and I can't really depend on Slick...he's got his hands full with his own issues...Crystal is VERY, VERY claustrophobic, Carter AND Caden BOTH have Asthma, and he's worried about all of them...what if one of the boys has an Asthma attack on the plane..what if they BOTH have one? He's gotta keep Crystal calm and her mind occupied so she doesn't dwell on the fact that she's in a pressurized aluminum tube, over the ocean, or land for that matter, with no way out....man, just typing this?...i'm making my ownself nervous! So needless to say, if we do all wind up going, we will probably be a sight to see by the time we get to Hawaii! Me and Slick will probably look like death warmed over from worrying about these guys, and they'll do just fine and be like movie stars coming off the plane looking for the red carpet...ugh..we'll just have to see!

Never Grow Old....

Getting old is hard. I mean, i'm glad that i'm still alive, and to be alive I must grow old...but it's hard. But when you get older, your mortality seems more real...like it's a black cloud looming over your head just waiting for the lightning to strike. It makes you think, like i'm doing now, sad thoughts.....(maybe not all go thru this, but right now I am and I can't help it ).... Life is just going by so fast. It's hard to believe that the next age milestone in my life is 60. I remember being a young girl, 12 to be exact...wondering who I would marry, my first (and last)..boyfriend was Tony, lol....wondering where I would live, how many children I would have...etc...and then I remember walking downstairs to the basement (at Black Oak) after saying our vows and telling Tony "wow...we're really married"...like that was something I didn't think would ever happen to me...and then a year later, the sound of our firstborn crying, and Tony sitting beside my bed crying because he wanted his son to be named after him and asking me would I mind..(I had another name picked out)..how could I have refused that???....then a little less than a year later, our daughter came along..Tony said he knew that we'd had a girl just by the look on my face when they brought me thru the delivery room doors. Back then, the father wasn't allowed in the delivery room...and we didn't learn what we were having then either unless we had to have an emergency procedure that somehow would tell....they (Slick and Erica) kid each other sometimes because for 2 weeks out of every year they are technically the same age..they liked 2 weeks in being exactly a year apart...then they both started school the same year, I cried like most all mothers do...and i'm serious, before I knew it there were dates, and boys coming to the house, and then when Erica left home, all my eggs were in one basket....Slick's...LOL...now let me tell you, he was a character back then...but he was a Mama's boy too...I had grown very close to him, and grieved my self nearly silly when he married, but I think i've already addressed that in another blog, so I won't go there again...Tony and I tried to settle into a life of just us two...and at first it was different, strange and quiet..oh it was so quiet..too quiet...kinda the way it is now...I tried to enjoy the freedom of not having to keep track of my kids, but it was hard too...i'd lay awake and wonder if they were safe and sound at home, or out on the road somewhere....and I had to stop that...had to talk straight up to myself...this is life, this is what happens when they grow up...they don't have to tell you where they're at, what they're doing and who they're with anymore...I think Slick and Crystal have been married about 16 or 17 years now...Erica has been married for 19 (I think)...i'm used to this way of life now...but it only means i'm that many years older, and i'm beginning to tell and feel my age..my hair is nearly completely gray, except for the ends which stubbornly refuse to give up their color...reminds me of when Slick said to me..."Mom, if you're gonna wear one of those hairpieces, why don't you at least match it to your hair color"...and i'm like.."uh...this isn't a hairpiece..it's my real hair"...lol....and Tony has had to deal with losing his hair for several years now. His latest ordeal is that it is turning gray as well...he is really starting to show his age too, bless his heart.. He is and always has been such a good man...he's worked 2 jobs most of our young married life, trying to make ends meet for his family. He did very little in the way of recreation during those years..he just thought it a waste of time when his family was in such need and he could work...He meant for his family to have what they needed..and the Lord always provided him with work to see that he could. He has always been a workaholic and has very little use for laziness...He's kinda semi-retired now...he goes into the shop every now and then to see what's going on, but for the most part, Todd runs the business...Slick owns his own shop up in Georgia...so we're thankful they both have good jobs to support their families...
Oh well...i've whined enough for today...I guess i'm kinda down...I just learned that Resiana is going to start school tomorrow as well as Caden, and it just makes me think of how time is just slipping away...just seems like yesterday when Caden was born...he is such a stinker!...Resiana will do well in school I think....I love the little family the Lord gave Tony and me...I just wish (I think) ...time would stand still and give us just a few more days with them...............

They're Here!

Well, Libby's puppies finally arrived last night...right on schedule. They were due today. Last night around 9:30pm is when everything started, but she didn't have her first pup until 4am! She had 3 by 5:00am, then everything came to a complete stop for a couple of hours..I was beginning to get a little concerned...Sis Carol was up with me, this is her business too..and I told her if I had to be up she did too...lol...anyways... 2 1/2 hours after #3, she had puppy #4..then 2 hours later she has the last one. There were 5 altogether...4 boys and 1 girl. They have the prettiest markings..We litter named them as they were born, and since I am such a Disney fan, we named them after the characters..Prince Charming, Mickey, Goofy, Cinderella and Pluto. We were hoping to get at least 1 more girl so we could have a Minnie, but it just wasn't to be. Of course they will get new names when they go to their forever home. It was after 12 noon today by the time I got everything back in order, and Libby and the gang are resting comfortably in the swimming pool...Erica's dog, Jax, is the daddy, and she has been calling and checking on the status of her "grandpuppies"...they left going to the Smokies last night and had to miss the big event. Next time you see or talk to Todd, congratulate him on the arrival of his "granddogs"...hee hee...bye for now!

It Gets Sweeter.....

Well, yesterday was our 37th wedding anniversary! We had hoped to be in Hawaii for the occasion but our grandbaby is not co-operating..lol....so the celebrating will just have to wait until he does...we didn't want to not do anything on our special day, so we went to CrackerBarrell (big surprise) for breakfast..and then for dinner we ate at The Dock's...a local restuarant located on the river at Goosepond. I enjoyed King Snow Crab Legs and Tony had a steak....we love eating out...I miss cooking sometimes, but Tony says i've done my time in the kitchen and he hates for me to have to clean a kitchen just to say I cooked for him...LOL..gotta love this man...but I haven't completely stopped cooking, sometimes I feel the need to pick up a skillet and cook something...and when I do, he'll say that he misses my food...so i'll cook a few meals in a row, and then he's like...uh...wanna go to CrackerBarrell????....LOL...that means he's tired of me spending hours in the kitchen..I don't know about you other ladies, but i'm like my grandmother, some of you knew her as Sis Lois Brazier...I have to mess up every single pot I own to cook...even cooking for just us two, I can create a disaster! And then it takes a long time to clean it back up...but some say that's why my cooking is so good..lol...if I see an empty pot or skillet, then I must cook something in it...it's the reason that when I cook for just us there are like 7 dishes on the table...and all he wanted was Pinto's!...I love to cook for my kids and have them come to the house, but it doesn't happen too often..with singings, practice for singings, revivals, church, school...it seems like there is no good night for everyone...I know one day we'll regret that we didn't...things can change in an instant, as it did with the recent passing of Br Mike Goolesby..what a sad tragedy. You just take life for granted, just always think they'll be there tomorrow, we can do it some other time...but you never know. Now I must say that my kids have never to my knowledge told me no when i've asked them to come for dinner...(they're not stupid...lol)...what i'm saying is that I tell myself that they are too busy with their lives to bother them with it...Erica and Todd both have groups and by the time they practice one night, go to their midweek service then a singing on Fri night, I hate to take an opportunity to spend it at home away from them, and then Slick has his responsibilities of the church to see to, including helping in revivals, so I just put myself on the "someday" list...maybe I shouldn't do that...maybe I should just say..."Look kids, I want a time slot in your busy lives...you won't have me around forever.."...but the sad reality is that it may be that I lose one of them....you never know...I just know that I miss my parents terribly...If I could have them back again, I would either go see them or call about them daily...i'm sorry to say I didn't do that but a couple of times a week...I hope they knew I loved them...ok..let's change the subject....please.
Most don't know this, but I have started raising puppies....another sister from my church, Sis Carol Moskoyes, is partners with me...i've always wanted to do this, but never found an incentive to follow thru with it until Sis Yvonne opened her pet grooming store this Feb (which I am partners with her in also)...I had another friend who raised dogs and she needed to sell some. We told her we would try to help her sell them and she gave us a commission. She brought us 9 puppies and we had them sold in no time! Word had gotten round town that we had puppies for sale, but now we didn't have any, which led me to look for local breeders, buy their litters and sell them at the store to make a lil extra for the shop...I got to thinking that this would be a good time to pursue my desire to raise puppies...so I went with it...I bought several good breeders, and have successfully had 1 litter so far...and we're expecting our 2nd litter any day now. Actually today is her due date...but i've been expecting her to whelp a few days now, she looks so miserable...this morning she barely touched her food, and went straight back to her whelping box, which is actually a small plastic swimming pool...so i'm expecting to get puppies very soon! I am having a kennel house built as I write and i'm very excited to have a heated and cooled place for the dogs when it is complete...I will be inspected by AKC and then i'm official! Course, I don't have to be inspected by AKC to be official, but it helps when it's time to advertise. Right now we have Maltese, Yorkies and Schnauzers. I also have a Toy Poodle that we got from someone who needed to get rid of him, and we are going to have the "designer" breeds of Malt-Poo's and Schnoodles! I want to get one more breed, the Shih Tzu's, then i'm done...I think...LOL!