A New Beginning...

Well, it looks like our storm is over..the wind blew, our faith tested, but the Grace of God found favor with us, and allowed our family to be complete. I've held him, kissed him, cuddled and adored our little Crimsyn, and yet it still seems so unreal that he's with us now, forever. He will probably be the last little one in our small family, so I am really trying to take in every minute. They are little like this for such a short time. It's hard to believe he's already 4 weeks old today..he still looks like a newborn..maybe 2 weeks old. And i'm kinda glad...altho we would have been glad to see him come home a year from now, i'm thankful that the Lord allowed us to get him back now, so we could enjoy him as a newborn, get to see him sit up, his first attempts at crawling and walking..his first laugh, tooth,..too many "firsts" to mention...it could have so easily been denied us...and I have my kids back...last night I was at their house and Crystal was almost back to her usual self, a little tired looking, but cleaning every little nook and cranny as I sat there and held the baby...I finally had to tell her to stop cleaning and sit with me..so she sat at the table with me and wiped the centerpeice down as we talked....lol..I don't think she can help it....and Slick was playing hide and go seek with Caden and Resiana...it was so good to hear their laughter and squeals of excitement as they found each other...(smiling here)...the past few weeks they have just been a shell of who they are..walking around in a daze, amid a whirlwind of emotions, questions and wondering what the future held for the baby they had to leave behind. But all of that is over now. We are at peace. And I know I am saying "we"..and I know it is the kids that are actually going thru all this and some might not understand my use of the word "we"...but Tony and I grieved over this situation too...we had waited for him right along with the kids, and anticipated having another grandchild added to our fold...we went for him as a family, left without him as a family...I have said since i've been home. that one of the hardest things I ever went thru, was when that plane left the ground and we were on it without Crimsyn. I knew no one on the plane, other than the family, knew what we were going thru, and altho I cried, I didn't feel like I could let go like I wanted to...it was like in the movies..I kept thinking that if I looked out the window I would see someone running down the runway after the plane waving their arms trying to stop it, to tell us she was there with the baby..and we could take him with us after all...but when the wheels of the plane left the ground...i'm telling you, it was such a feeling of despair and disbelief that we were really leaving without him....and then when we landed and they turned the radio on, the song that was playing was "Just call out my name, and you know wherever I am..i'll come running..."..which started the crying all over again...later on I said that the people that could see us probably thought...wow..those ladies sure are scared to death of take off and landing..lol...
We're looking forward to the holidays now..can't wait for all the family gatherings that are in the days ahead..I sure am glad I have a big table...and we're thrilled the Lord has added Resiana and Crimsyn to it...and i'm so happy I didn't give my high chair away!