How Can I Help You Say Goodbye....

Rhonda Brown is my friend. She's been my friend for nearly 30 years now. I've known her longer than that, but we became friends after her and Roger married. I'd known Roger all my life, and Tony and I grieved with him when he lost his first wife and children. We were so happy for him when he and Rhonda married. He couldn't have found a better person to be his life partner...especially with the work the Lord had for him. She is a wonderful person. She loved Roger very much. After his passing, she was so lonesome and depressed. I have no idea the feeling of emptiness and longing she had in her heart for her husband who had left the walks of this life to enter into that land she had heard him preach about many, many times. She often spoke to me of how she couldn't wait to meet him again..and I told her that just as soon as I was sure that I was gonna get to walk thru the pearly gates, I was gonna walk up to him (Roger) and punch him in the nose for leaving us so soon...lol. She always smiles when I tell her that....she said if I got to go before her, to give him a punch for her too...LOL....
But, it looks like she's gonna make it home before I do...of course it might not happen that way...who knows what God's plan is...all I know is that she's laying in a hospital bed in my living room with very little time left. And that breaks my heart. She's told me many, many times that I was her best friend. Oh, I don't have a big head about that, i'm sure she's told many the same thing...she wasn't one to show a difference..lol..and at the time she would say that, I was the one she hung with the most...she made me feel like she needed my friendship...she would tell me that I made her laugh when she was sad, that I gave her hope when she couldn't find anything to hope for. But the truth is, she was good for me. Most times when I would be telling her my feelings, she would bring another side of the story into play for me to consider...and it usually helped me to realize that I might be wrong about something...I've had her tell me things that bothered her, but she always ended the conversation with "it's probably just me"...the past few years, we've not had nearly as many conversations as we used to....kinda drifted apart. Life has a way of consuming your time. We sold the business she worked at, so I didn't see her on a regular basis like I had been..She went to college to become an Accountant...I was busy with helping out with our business and at Cutie Petooties..She found a great friend in Sis Sissy...the two of them went many places together...both are single ladies and have a lot in common. It seemed that she was getting things together in her life. Although she got laid off from her job, her college work was almost completed and she would have been starting a new chapter in her life anyway...her and Sissy were almost inseparable, going to church and singings and shopping together...I even went with them a time or two on some occasions...and we had so much fun...
I remember when she lost her first baby. We cried together, as I had lost my first and knew how she felt. And how happy she was when she found out she was expecting again...and I remember the night she brought Tiffany home from the hospital..I spent the night with them, and Tiff slept in the bed with me so Rhonda could get a full nights rest..then the loss of another child before she had her last baby, Jordan. I remember going to their house after church and me, Rhonda and Roger would talk til late in the night, while Tony slept in the recliner cause he couldn't hear what we were saying due to his hearing loss.. we talked low so the kids wouldn't wake up..how they came to the house the night Tony's dad died, and begged us to stay with them so we wouldn't be alone...I could go on and on about the good ole days...
We said good-bye to Roger long ago..and now it looks like we will be doing the same with Rhonda in just a short time...how do you do that? I want so bad to tell her that we'll be seeing her again in a few days...that i'm sure Roger is just sitting on the banks of the river, writing in the sand, waiting on her to cross to the other side..he probably looks up every now and then to see if he can see her coming...I want to say good-bye, but how? She is slowly slipping away from us...getting closer and closer to the shoreline...I want to say good-bye, but the words are stuck inside my throat, yearning to be spoken. Not that I want this dramatic scene full of tears, and sobbing, but to try to convey to her a feeling of peace...peace that her children will be well seen to..that we'll make sure her grandchildren remember their "Nanny" with precious memories and pictures and stories of how much she loved them, and I have a few funny stories to tell them when they get older and can realize the humor in them....stories that still bring a smile and a small chuckle to me as I sit here thinking about them....I want to tell her how much she'll be missed, and how good of a person she was, never speaking against anyone, no matter how hurt she was from things that others had said....that i'm sure she'll have no "gate" trouble when she gets there...and that it's ok to go on to be with Roger, their babies, and her daddy, who she was still grieving for...how can I help you say good-bye Rhonda? I only wish I knew............